There were no nannies where I grew up.  Fathers went to work and mothers stayed home, as far as I recall anyway.  The neighbors across the street had an au pair one summer, and we all cocked our heads in confusion and wondered if the lady of the house would be playing tennis all summer as her outfits indicated.  She had no job that we knew-no reason to leave her kids with someone else.  That was suburban controversy at its height. I don’t remember having a judgment at the age of 10.  I’m sure my mother thought it was obscene to invite a young woman to live in your home not just because it was…

Throughout the winter, I dream of summer when we are free from boots and coats and gloves, and we are unencumbered by socks and sweaters.  But summer brings its own packing list including water bottles, towels and sunscreen.  I forget how heavy two stainless steel thermoses filled with water are.  As I swing my canvas pool bag over my shoulder, the straps dig into my bare shoulder, and as soon as I’ve closed to the door to the air-conditioned mini-van, a humid wall hits my face, and I instantly start to sweat.  I’m determined to get to the pool regardless of the load I’m carrying or how …

Last weekend was certainly a time for celebration and not because of the season premier of True Blood – in this particular piece in any case.  It was a time for celebration because we won a battle in New York though we have yet to win the war.  And, when I say battle, I mean to say that we won marriage equality in that state. And, when I say war I mean that until the federal government recognizes same-sex marriage as equal to heterosexual marriage, the same-sexers remain second-class citizens denied rights related to immigration, social security, health insurance, inheritance, and military …

It is impossible to stop coming out.  Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I have to consider how and when I will relay the information that I am gay.  Will I volunteer the information in an unsolicited manner?  “What am I doing this weekend?  My partner, Gabriella, and I are finally going on a long over-due date night after we put the kids to bed.”  Or will I have to politely correct assumptions with a pronoun adjustment.  “Well, she, works in technology.  What does your spouse do?”  It’s old hat now, this coming out business.  I’m used to it.  And, nothing compares to the stress of …

When Gabriella and I were a year into our relationship, I imagined what it would be like to have children with her.  Ok, maybe it was more like a month in, but I couldn’t help myself.  I’m a planner.  She, on the other hand, was never the type to try on partners’ last names or think about kids or even contemplate life two weeks out. I knew that I wanted to have children one day, and when I was dating, and part of my date-evaluation-process was figuring out if my date would make a good baby-mamma. While I never fooled myself into believing that any one person could tick all the boxes in my …

My four year old suffered my scheduling error and had to sit at the hair salon while I got my hair cut and enhanced to a brighter, browner shade of young during a teacher in-service day.  He sat quietly in the waiting area watching DVDs while his headphones blocked out the sounds of hair dryers and gossip.  After my transformation from hot mess housewife to cocktail party it-girl (from the back of my head, anyway), I took Levi to the bookstore to reward him for good behavior.  I’m not the kind of person who enjoys shopping no matter where I am or what I’m trying to procure.   I’m a make-a-…

Ever since my sister and brother moved to Boston from various other time zones a few years ago, we have been spending the Passover holiday together either here in New Jersey or there in Beantown.  For those of you who are not part of the Passover circuit, it’s like Thanksgiving without the cornbread or football.  Families get together from near and far and eat lots of holiday-specific food.  We also tell the story of the Jewish exodus from slavery in Egypt.  Yes, that Charlton Heston movie The Ten Commandments.  That’s the one. There are a few things that make our Seders less than …

We have new wireless telephones in the house that not only offer caller ID, but a digital lady who lives in the phones and announces the caller, as well.  Initially, it was quite amusing to listen to the completely mangled pronunciations of the caller names and company acronyms, but quickly became an irritation. Coupled with the digital lady are the numerous calls that keep coming in for solicitations – reminding me that I am not always a charitable person. Almost every day, organizations call me asking for donations for their worthy causes.  If there has been a recent natural disaster or if …

I have never felt more like a 1950s housewife than I have since Gabriella started working at her current job.  After an entire year of unemployment, we are off the dole.  She and I are  hugely grateful that we did not have to pack up and move in with kind friends who foolishly offered to house us until we could get back on our feet.  At the eleventh hour, Gabriella accepted this job, and we informed our friends that we would not be displacing their children from their bedrooms. The demands associated with her job are high, and the hours are long.  Gabriella is able to say good-morning to our …

The anniversary of our sons’ adoption came and went earlier this month, and we didn’t do a thing to celebrate it. It was Gabriella who had to adopt our children because she is not a biological parent, as I am.  She had no legal rights though she took to mothering instinctually and naturally from day one and, in fact,  has always been the more nurturing of the two of us.   As far as the law was concerned, however, she might as well have been a helpful neighbor. It has been four years now since Gabriella adopted our two sons, and I still can’t decide if the adoption date is one worth …

Has winter got you down?  Have you had enough?  I have. Well, it’s not over yet.  Groundhog, shmound hog, we’re stuck with this weather for a couple more months.  But don’t despair.  I have discovered a few ways to cope with the winter blues, and I want to share them with you, dear readers. We try to keep the temperature in our home at a just-above frostbite degree so that we will still have money to buy groceries after paying the heating bill.  We drop the temperature a few more degrees before bed and hope that we’ll fall asleep before we can see our breath.  There is no escaping the misery…

I love film, and I love the Oscars. If you’ll forgive the sweeping generalization,  it is not entirely misguided to say that Oscar night is to the gay population what the Super Bowl is to ... everyone else.  We’re a theatrical people, and we appreciate art and the talented people who make art.  We also welcome an excuse to throw a party where we can honor outstanding performances, condemn poor wardrobe choices, make friendly wagers and compare hosts of Oscar nights’ past.  James Franco and Anne Hathaway?  Beautiful, yes.  Oscar hosts?  I’ll try to keep an open mind. Since having children, we …

Joining a book club in the suburbs is as common as owning a mini-van.  Every month to six weeks, women (and some men) all over suburbia gather in each other’s homes, enjoy some grown-up time and occasionally discuss books.  Some book clubs are academic in nature, and others use the title Book Club in a looser sense. Books are to that particular book club what breakfast is to The Breakfast Club. Finding the right book club for you is like finding the right mattress.  You have to know your sleep number to sleep well, and you have to know your book club level to enjoy whatever it is that …

When a friend asks, "Can I have the name of your babysitter?" I freeze.  No matter how many times I hear the question or who is asking it, I am left dumbstruck each and every time.  I have no words-well, none that I can say out loud.  The words in my head sound something like: How dare you test our friendship in such a way to ask for my babysitter's information?  Do you know how difficult it is to find a reliable babysitter who doesn't charge an outrageous hourly fee AND who drives?  Do you understand the necessity that is the rare date with my partner after weeks of day-in, day-out …

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat.  Hmm, I must be the goose because I've been putting on my winter weight since October.  I'm not bothered by it, really.  I've accepted the fact that in the colder months I'm more inclined to stay indoors, raid my refrigerator and gradually expand. What I have not learned how to accept gracefully is Christmas.  I don't mind Christmas for other people.  I love looking at the festive shop displays and visiting friends who have beautiful Christmas trees in their living rooms.  But, Christmas was never my holiday, and I never missed it.  I grew up …

A friend of mine, Robert, came out to his mother, and it did not go well.  There were tears and blame and insensitive comments. In this day and age, you might think to yourself, "Self, how is it possible that parents do not love and accept their children unconditionally?  Don't we all want our children to be happy?"  Well, my friends, this is not the coming out story that you would expect from an Over the Rainbow piece. This story is about a man who was raised by observant, Catholic parents.  He met a Jewish woman named Denise who made it clear from their first date that her eventual family …

We moved to South Orange for many reasons one of which being the proximity to New York City.  I said to Gabriella before we relocated, "Please pinky swear that we will take full advantage of all that New York has to offer."  We promised each other that we would visit museums, spend time with friends in the city and see shows, and we have made good.  Have EZ Pass, will travel is our motto. This past weekend, we saw Lisa Kron's In the Wake at the Public Theater with South Orange's own Jenny Bacon.  You may have seen Jenny on television as, according to Jenny, "multiple psycho killers on the …

Last week, Gabriella and I joined friends in the city for dinner who were in town for work.   They, in turn, invited a few of their client friends.  After the first toast to old and new acquaintances, we enjoyed a delicious meal and easy conversation.  I sat across from our friend's colleague Amy who lives on the Upper East Side with her husband and four-year-old son.  We chatted about work and kids and the usual stuff and found that we had much in common.  The more Amy and I shared, the more I convinced myself that I had found a new friend. And then came the question that only ever unites or…

Reality television is my primary vice.  At one time in my life (that one time lasting for a few years), I might have confessed a few additional vices, but age and motherhood and limited funds have contributed to the vice culling.  These days, watching an unhealthy dose of reality television is way on top of the guilty-pleasure list.  A new favorite reality show is The Learning Channel's Sister Wives-a peek into the real life of a polygamist family.  It's  Big Love without the script. Kody Brown has four wives and 16 children, and they all live as one, big happy family in Utah.  After a …

What are you doing for National Coming Out Day , October 11th?  You're not gay?  No worries!  You're never too old to switch sides. No, that's not what I meant to say (out loud).  I meant to say that the purpose of National Coming Out Day is to raise awareness of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) issues and encourage everyone to live an open and genuine life.  There is plenty you can do to support and celebrate gay friends and family members and plenty that we LGBT people can do to honor each other.  Allow me to offer some suggestions regarding your plans for the day. How about …